The one thing (that I feel) holds me back from being my best self is the crippling anxiety that has made more and more of an appearance over the past few years. A huge contributing factor to me developing anxiety was the emotionally abusive relationship that I was in for over 2 years. A lot of people don’t realize the long term effects something like that can have on your life. Of course, there are other factors to me developing anxiety, but I struggle with things as simple as if my makeup looks okay because he always told me hated it. He hated my clothes, my hair, every little thing - therefore making me question these simple choices every day. That on top of the fact that he looked me in the eye one day and said “you will never amount to anything.”
These are the things that make me second guess myself and make me anxious in every situation. I lived those years of my life feeling worthless and feeling like I didn’t belong. My biggest obstacle is realizing that I do belong and that if anyone in that room is worried about if my makeup or clothes look good then I am in the wrong room.
It took a radical transformation and a lot of time with God to make me realize that I am meant for so much more. It certainly is not easy - it is quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. The hardest part is knowing that there is no end goal - it is a constant battle every day to wake up and remember “I am worthy and I am capable of amazing things no matter what anyone else thinks of me.”
“Some motivation comes wrapped up in sandpaper. Some motivations come wrapped in ugly sticky situations that you didn’t ask for. And that’s still your why, not your why not...You can turn your fears into fuel. You can show up, share your story, prove yourself capable, and make it your life mission to help other people in the same situation as you.” -Lisa Nichols
Where do I go from here, you ask? I move forward and keep telling my story so that other people can get out of that relationship before it’s too late. I tell my story so that other people can know that they are meant for so much more than just a mundane life. My ultimate goal in life is stand at the foot of God and be able to say “here I am Lord. I used everything that you gave me.”
Some of the best things that will ever happen to you don’t come wrapped in pretty packages. They come as your worst nightmares. The lessons you learn and the person you become from that experience is sometimes your reason for being. God gave you that mountain because He knew that you were strong enough to move it.
“I am worthy and I am capable of amazing things
no matter what anyone else thinks of me.”
LYDIA GRAY
Hello everyone! My name is Lydia Gray and I am a wedding planner fighting for your wedding vision at a venue in Murphy, North Carolina called The Hackney Warehouse. I dabble with the blogging universe, but my main driving factor in life is to be all that God created me to be.
Follow Lydia's journey on Instagram: @lydiabreanngray
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